There are various mental pecadillos that have guided my life since childhood. As I have grown older, many of them simply dissipated with time, but I have acquired other tendencies reminiscent of obsessive-compulsive disorder and an inability to embrace the freedom that is afforded to adults.
My most egregious involves a ritual with my laptop. I constantly delete history even though I am the only person who touches the thing in a given day because of some sort of cosmic shame that washes over me whenever I seek something pornographic or as benign as a Google search for a person in the news that interests me. There is a delusion that somehow I have sanitized my technology and I am operating with a pure, clean slate.
What is there to hide? Why do I do this? I operate like a scared teenager who will be chastised for looking at smut on the family computer even though that is not even remotely the case. Then again, I still operate like a scared teenager a majority of the time instead of embracing all the change I can enact within myself as an adult.